The Mother Jumpers Canceled My Credit Cards!

Mom gave me this “gift” cellphone only so she can catch my tail wherever I go.

“Matilda?”

“Mom! Please don’t call me Matilda anymore, I told you I have a new name…”

“For me you’ll always be Matilda… you listening to me? And you’ll always remain my daughter…”

Grrr... This makes me MAD like there’s no tomorrow! What? What’s this thing you can’t choose your own name, what am I a little girl? F#@k this shit! I tried to get it home to her nicely but there’s a total block. Even my verbal violence hits a wall – nobody home!

“…as your Mom I’m telling you there are rules in life and in life we can’t just choose whatever we want.”

“What’s the deal? All it is, I got tired of my old name! For twenty four years I survived the name Matilda but now it’s over, Mom.”

“Dad too disapproves this rebelliousness that you’ve been displaying lately. Especially he didn’t like that you changed the family name, you haven’t even married… what happened with that nice boyfriend that you---- sorry?”

“Mom! Mom! I don’t need his freaking approval, oh my freaking god! I’m not his little baby girl anymore! I’m a woman now and can I choose any family name I wish! Just a sec Mom… SAY HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO PAY YOU FOR THESE GROCERIES IF YOU DON’T TAKE ANY OF MY CARDS HA?? YOU WANT MY MONEY OR YOU DON'T? …SAY WHAT?? ALRIGHTY THEN – BYE BYE!!! YOU WON'T SEE MY BUTT IN THIS SHOP FOR A WHILE, SORRY! ---Yes Mom I’m back with you.”

What a freaking mishap: in the grocery I signed “Liberty O’Man” (Liberty of Man) instead of Matilda Goldstein and they refused to sell me anything because all my credit cards have been cancelled!

I just talked to the bank and guess what the mother jumpers tell me – that even though I have informed them of the name change they must cancel all my cards per orders “from high up” because all customers must sign their real name.

“But this IS my real name, you fools!” I protested but it helped me nothing. Go change with the government they said, but until I get there, got nothing to cook. Sure, I can always get back under the wings of Mamma but enough is enough – I want a moment of independence under the sun, be a grown up for once. What's their stupid problem?

Blackness came over me. Stupid situation! For nothing. Silly nothing. Just for government guarding stupid rules that make no sense – and society’s blind obedience. Like it’s “from high up” – oh yea like they are so miserably small that they can’t open their mouths and shout back.

And Mom is still on the phone…

“I’m flying to India my dear Mamma, where I will find freedom and forget all my troubles (Hi Mister Leibovich can I sit a moment? Thanks. No I won’t be buying fish today).”

“Dad told you he would not agree to that.”

“So what? I’m twenty four and I can fly one way to India or to the Moon without his permission.”

“I just wish to protect you sweetie. He swore that if you do something radical like that he’ll have you arrested… you know he’s got influential friends… and he’ll have you institutionalized until you come to your senses...”

“Wazzat??? Sorreeee??? You want me, your daughter? NO!!! You want my empty body!!! (Don’t be scared Mister Leibovich, just the daily conversation with my mom).”

.

“How can you speak like that my darling… you know Dad and I only wish you the---“

“I'M NOT YOUR DARLING! I got exactly what’s behind your mask of I-care-about-you-sweetie. You’re afraid of losing me, that’s what it is. OK Mom I really understand but it ain’t not gonna happen – you’re losing me faster than your wildest nightmares! Institutionalize me???!!! Do you want it done to you?”

“But Matilda darli---“

“May Matilda Goldstein Rest In Peace! If you’d ever like to speak with Liberty O’Man you can find her right here in this cell phone – BYYYYE!!!”

I hung up with a virtual “KABOOM!” In the olden days before cell phones you could hang up with a very real KABOOM. Take all you anger out on the poor handset.

“What do you say Mister Leibovich, what would you do if you had a stubborn mother treating like a child... Seriously? You got one?! But you’re already a grandpa!! --- Say will you run away with me, like...to India? The grand kids will visit you there... OK I understand, you’re right, not a good idea. Have a sweet day Mister Leibovich  and sell lots of tasty fish. You’re so nice to me unlike my freaking family.”



Walls of Clay: Who is the real enemy?

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