It All Started in Oxfordicious 22
|
 |
In this issue the main article was about impotency with middle aged men
who were reaching for their post-middle-age. Professor Jetnot was
analyzing the complex scientific causes of this condition and explained
why it could not be solved in any visible future.
“What’s so scientific about it if they offer no solution,” thought Sky,
“Only blabber ten thousand words on how impossible it is. What a great
science if--”
A soft womanly voice interrupted his train of thoughts: “Staff Homes.
Thank you for riding with Mid City Trolley Masters.”
The trolley slowed down and Sky jumped off, holding the magazine.
Professor Jetnot slowly opened the door and frowned out a very long
question: “Young Mister Lukewalker, what brings you here at such an
early hour? All your friends are asleep and you are awake? Come in and
close the door behind you. The winds on this planet freeze my weary old
bones half to death.”
Jetnot’s face looked friendlier as the moments went. “Come drink some
good morning coffee with me. Sorry? What morning you ask? Lukewalker,
while you and your friends were wasting time down your silly Fun Halls,
I managed to sleep three hours and also started my article for the next
Galactic Science Journal. This issue will explain why it is
scientifically impossible to bridge the generation gap. Here, have some
coffee, it will knock the nonsense out of you. Oh, I can see you’re
reading my latest article. Do you find it interesting, my lad?”
The room was not particularly large but it was clean and tidy, and was
lit only by the desk lamp. Sky sipped his coffee slowly, watching the
dark empty spaces of Oxfordicious 22 through the large window. He was
not thirsty, just wanted three blinks to himself to arrange his
thoughts.
OK let’s see, he gathered, we’re on this arid and
boring planet marked MJ-101. Doing a science degree (I’m getting, he’s
giving). Imperial Year 113,588*, weekend 59, a little after midnight. I
came to the old Professor with an offer I’m personally excited about –
but we’ll see in a moment if he doesn’t kick my butt down the hill.
* Imperial Year 113,588 = 9,055 before Christ;
that's 11,068 years ago.
“Professor Jetnot… eh… listen, I eh…,” Lukewalker started stuttering
and then decided exactly what he was going to say: “I wanted to tell
you what I think of science as it is being taught in the First Royal
University. On one hand we’re introduced to various problems and we
analyze them using thousands of formulas and words, but on the other
hand we don’t see any practical solutions. One might conclude that
science and life exist in separate worlds.”
Sky noticed the frown on the Professor’s face but did not steer his
words astray, “I think science should encourage practical and immediate
solutions. I want to say, that we can investigate and research in any
possible direction, but we should designate the title ‘Scientific
Theory’ only to such a theory that presents a solution or solutions
that WORK. What do I mean work? That produce results. Positive results
of course. Do you agree with me so far Professor Sir?”
Jetnot’s face was at least as frowned as before when he said: “Did you
trouble yourself to get up so early only to draw criticism at my
article?”
“No no I… So sorry, Sir, I did not come here to criticize. On the
contrary, I respect your work very much and that’s exactly why I’m
here. I have a proposition that would support your research on
impotency and… I think
I’m on to the invention of the century, Professor Jetnot!”
concluded Lukewalker enthusiastically and waited for the Professor’s
reaction.
“…?” – the Professor signed with his hand like saying:
Well, let’s hear it.
“Well it started with my girlfriends Leah and Hunna that visited the
bookstore today and bought me a birthday gift – The Young
Bio-Electrician Kit. It’s a kit of two books, a CD and a pack of
electrodes with conductive gel. I had to get the batteries and the frog
legs on my own.” Sky stopped and looked at the Professor. The professor
was still silent with poker face.
He would not divulge his thoughts until I get to the point, thought Sky
and continued: “We conducted several experiments in the dormitory
kitchen. My girls thought it was pure fun, I laughed with them but to
myself I thought: How can we apply this primitive entertainment to the
problems of life? I was thinking of a closed loop system that---”
The professor stopped him by waving his hand and asked: “What do you
know about closed loop systems? I’m not underestimating your knowledge,
Lukewalker. With your grades I have no right to do so, I just want to
make sure we speak the same scientific language. This is very important
in this fast-changing science we have today. Back in Imperial Year
113,500 you could still trust science to give you the right indications
for…”
One more second and this Jetnot here gonna slide into unstoppable
nostalgia, thought Sky and decided to take over the conversation: “OK
here I explain and you’ll see we’re talking about the same thing.
Closed loop control is simply a closed system where you have energies
flowing through a control mechanism. At one part you have commands
going OUT, this is what you WANT. In the returning part the feedbacks
are coming BACK IN, reporting what actually is happening. Another
important issue is negative or positive feedback. While negative
feedback slows down the motion, positive feedback makes it stronger,
encouraging it. See, we speak the same terminology don’t we Professor
Sir?” asked Lukewalker without stopping for an answer, “Such closed
loop can be used to control heating, or frog legs – or any other organ
for that matter. But what’s new about that, I thought to myself, and
that was the end of fun in the kitchen. My girls laid down to rest and
I used up the time to read your article. By the way, you highlighted
the problem in all its minute aspects, very well done for the depth.
But then what happened was, I suddenly had this brilliant idea: why
don’t we build a closed loop system that, unlike the usual design, is
not based on negative or positive feedback – but a system that would be
open to ALL sorts of inputs and be able to respond with a variety of
outputs. Here, I made a sketch on this white cheese advert at the back.
Luckily lots of white snow in the photo.”
Jetnot held the magazine, listened with narrow eyes and his expression
hardly changed any. Sky noticed it and assumed that the Professor was
waiting for him to finish before he’d respond either way. Or
disgracefully kick him outta here, which was also a probable outcome.
So he concluded: “We can build, on a low budget and with whatever
resources we have in Emperor Jakoff Laboratory, we can build a system
to demonstrate the control of any human muscle. We can help a lot of
people and earn big mullah. What do you say Professor Jetnot?”
The old man started to answer with those same narrow eyes: “Young
Mister Lukewalker, you are very wrong – demonstrating such a system is
not as simple as you think. In your youthful innocence you imagine
everything to be simple and cheap, but such a project might cost –
initial budget – at least 2 million Galactic Credits, that we do not
have. Additionally, such adventurous projects usually end up in one of
two fashions: either you invest ten times or more of the original
budget and get somewhere, or you run out of credits and the entire
research sinks into oblivion.”
As he finished taking out everything that was bothering him, the
Professor’s face lit up, and he continued immediately as if the same
line of thought: “BUT
YOU ARE A GENIUS! A GENIUS! IT SEEMS LIKE YOU HAVE JUST SOLVED THE
PROBLEM OF THE CENTURY!”
Jetnot waived the white cheese advert before Lukewalker’s eyes as if
the young student was seeing the sketch for the first time in his life.
“Thank you Professor Sir. So let’s organize ourselves twenty million
Galactic Credits and start the research,” said the youngster, excited.
The old man’s smile started to fade: “I said two millions, not twenty.”
“And you also said it could end up ten times as much, and then, maybe,
we’d be stuck without money. Why don’t we go for twenty millions and be
on the horseback.”
Jetnot’s smile vanished into thin air: “Do you realize what immense
sums you are talking about, young man?”
“Yes Sir, I do realize. Mister Halflop – Leah’s father – deals with big
money although it’s not all his own. He told me that if I ever needed
research allocations for something really interesting, I should tell
him.”
The professor got off his couch, not before staring at the student a
moment longer, then he turned his back and stood by the window,
watching the empty spaces silently. The morning did not rise yet but
the land was faintly lit by two moons, one of “considerable” size (what
could be so considerable about a moon?) and the other quite tiny. “Toy
Moon” it was nicknamed by lightheaded students. These moons managed to
light up the dark-gray land to a mere gray-orange. The horizon was cut
like saw teeth, without a single tree.
Sky Lukewalker sat in silent expectation and watched the
Professor’s back. A little while later Jetnot started nodding his head
and continued to look through the window. What is he thinking there? He
must be seeing everything that I couldn’t see, thought the youngster
respectfully.
“There is only one small problem,” Jsetnot finally said aloud and then
turned back to Lukewalker, “Who would continue and lead the project if
I’m gone in the middle of this?”
He smiled with a wink, sent his hand and wrecked the hairdo of his
redhead student. “Probably by then you will know all about managing and
budgeting and be able to continue my way, because you started it all.
You and your two girls. By the way, when I was your age I would not
dare and keep two girlfriends simultaneously – they would kick me out
of the university in a blink of an eye. You wild boy. Alright, tell
Leah’s father to start rolling the show.”
The dawn cracked beyond the horizon. Sky Lukewalker felt like he had
just caught the Gold Laying Hen!
“Sir, let’s have another coffee and take the morning trolley down the
hill. We can use the quiet hours to send some faxes from the office.”
“I wish all my students were that dynamic,” said
Jetnot, “But prepare your girlfriends that in the near future they
won’t be able to celebrate quite as often.”
“I can see you haven’t forgotten what girlfriends are
for.”
“I was a wild boy once, at least as wild as you or more
so. You know, they didn’t always call me Jetnot.”
“Really? So what did they call you?” wondered Sky.
“They called me Jet.”
Click
here> 
|
|
|
|
