Milestones of the Startup
MILESTONE ONE
Professor Jetnot, Sky Lukewalker and a small team of
scientists gathered up and defined goals: to develop a
computerized control system for supervising a living
body.
Such a system, whose development would be financed by
an invisible investor brought in by Leah’s father,
will be useful mainly for the following applications:
- To be installed inside a bed, for treating
impotency and insomnia.
- To be installed inside a briefcase, for various
mobile applications.
- To be installed in a vehicle: to help prevent
accidents, and to enhance the alertness of cargo
drivers who must stay awake for 24+ hours during
their intergalactic travels.
- Further applications to be sought after, for
serving other niche publics.
MILESTONE TWO
Jetnot and Lukewalker recruited twelve engineers,
started developing the system but it did not work
satisfactorily. The problem, apparently, was with
lousy coupling between the system and the body to be
supervised. The system was too bulky and heavy – not
suitable for implanting. First stumbling block...
Additional problem: 3 million Galactic Credits already
went down the drain, without a breakthrough in sight.
Speaking of money, Jetnot quietly expressed his
suspicion that the “invisible investor” is Leah’s
father himself… The trick of “it’s not my money”
allows him, maybe, to exert pressure and threaten the
startupists in the name of the investor – without
personally getting the back pressure.
MILESTONE THREE
Hunna Solo, who is a student of Galactic History,
brings up the idea of an electronic box installed near
the nerve system (with intimate and permanent
coupling). Such a box will contain all the wisdom of
Sky’s control techniques. She claims that her idea is
based on previous experience in the Orion
Constellation, around Imperial Years 9500-9507 as
estimated by historians.
“Did they figure it out?” asks Sky.
“No, as far as we know it failed miserably,” says
Hunna, “But I trust your genius: this time it will
work out! And come to bed already you naughty boy.”
Meanwhile they were already down (down the drain, that
is) five and a half million Galactic Credits.
 
MILESTONE FOUR
Lukewalker stayed relatively relaxed until cashflow
almost came to a halt. And that happened not because
they ran out of money, but because the invisible
investor of Leah’s father ran out of patience and
trust (by the way, that invisible investor never
exposed himself, always had his own sources of
information about their progress). Only then
Lukewalker stresses out and finds a solution. The
counter is already at seven million.
MILESTONE FIVE
The bright idea developed by Sky Lukewalker: to stuff
the control system formulas into a small
bio-electronic capsule attached directly to the body.
Significant shortening of control loops would mean
miniaturization not previously feasible.
Let’s put it in simple words now: miniaturization is
something that drinks A LOT of money.
The counter already at 11 million Credits.
MILESTONE SIX
An additional idea that was indeed a significant –
and very expensive – breakthrough: to implant the
capsule under the skin, so it could work within the
body without changing its external figure (Leah’s
idea, technical implementation by Sky and Jetnot).
That way, the capsule would also be protected from
external damage and contamination. The control
communication to and from the capsule would be done by
radio signals, rather than direct cables.
In the functional design of the product (not final –
it’s still a prototype not ready for marketing) they
invested another nine and a half million. The
investment counter went berserk at 20.5 millions.
NOTE: from this phase onwards the developers started
referring to the product – now so miniaturized and
functioning as part of the body – as a “gland.” It was
indeed an artificial gland, but apart from external
intervention it functioned as any other gland in the
body, one of many glands. Since its function was
bio-electric, it was naturally coupled to the nerve
system. Connections to the internal endocrine and
other systems were indirect.
MILESTONE SEVEN
A simplified model implanted in lab animals and
succeeded (3 million Galactic Credits). That is to
say, “succeeded” to fail one experiment and pass two
others. Local Patent registered (1.5 million more).
Now what’s left: to test the prototype on developed
life forms, register it with the Imperial Bureau of
Patents and get filthy rich from here on to grand-
grand-grandchildren and
grand-grand-grand-grandchildren. And for that, one
needs a Business Plan!
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For
kids
For
grandkids
For grand-grand--
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Business
Plan...
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MILESTONE EIGHT
Quotes for preparing a detailed Business Plan: one
quote was offered at 12 million – rejected. Another
quote was 8 million – rejected just as fast. Finally,
Leah Halflop prepares the Business Plan together with
Hunna Solo at only half a million, and Sky rewards
them with a bonus – a sweet weekend in a luxurious
suite on Love Planet (Did I say love planet? More like
sex planet. The owners have never heard of real love,
so the place is used for mere entertainment. Their
clientele includes the Emperor Gay Schluffen* himself,
when he’s not busy sleeping.)
*Gay Schluffen = means 'Go to Sleep' in
Yiddish.
The counter now stands at 25 million. The invisible
investor is unwilling to fork out another penny beyond
the 20 million he has promised and the rest of the
money comes from Leah’s father own pocket.
MILESTONE NINE
Seeking a heavyweight investor: 20% for actual
investment in the project, and 80% for the insane
taxes imposed by Gay Schluffen and Gay Kucken.
*Gay Kucken = means 'Go Crap' in Yiddish.
Wait a minute, now that we’re paying them all that
crazy tax, shall we get acquainted with these two
clowns?
 Gay Schluffen is the Emperor
supposedly in charge of the entire galaxy.
Only, he’s busy sleeping...
His favorite expression: “WHO BOTHERING MY SLEEP
AGAIN?? TOLD YOU DON'T TRANSFER CALLS!!”
Gay Schluffen is a known teen-lover and gets very
particular services on Love Planet. For some reason
the words compassion, caring for others, true love and
the like, didn’t make it into his vocabulary.
And then we have Gay Kucken who is the Imperial
Nominee in charge of this Sector of the galaxy,
colloquially called “The King.”
Not a small leech, this character. Is it possible that
with the insanely heavy taxing he’s just trying to be
a bigger leech than the big boss?
Gay Kucken, an unpopular bachelor, is maybe “King” of
the Sector but he’s not Prince Charming.
On the contrary – he’s fat and ugly. His favorite
habit: to come out as the right one. Always. Control
the other in such ways that the other guy comes out
wrong – or (better yet) a worthless zero. “Only I
exist. The rest are nothing but garbage.”
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